I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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