I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
