There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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