i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
