So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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