I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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