Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
