I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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