Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
