I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
