No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
