I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
