We're facebook friends in real life
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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