end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
