My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
