he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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