on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
