So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
