my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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