just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
