Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
