He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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