oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
