you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
