Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
