dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
