Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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