Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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