She's JV to your varsity
accomplished twins. life is a go
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
