i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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