shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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