I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
