That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i drank out of a bidet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
