Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
