Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.

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(209): View more from California

she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.

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(703): View more from Virginia

screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone

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(360): View more from Washington

I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

(425): View more from Washington

I want to be you.

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(509): View more from Washington

It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!

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(574): View more from Indiana

just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"

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(514): View more from Quebec

What are you, a fucking toaster ?

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