We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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