Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
