Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
