he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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