It was confusing and full of hummus
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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