If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
