you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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