Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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