I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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