marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Congratulations! We have a period
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
