Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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