Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
