Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
