Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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