I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
