Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
