why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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