She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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