***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
