so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A+ Viking dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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