I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
