you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
