Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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