I have demons in me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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