I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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