I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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