It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
