i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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