Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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