1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
