Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
