I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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