the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
being pregnant is like rehab
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
