At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
