Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
