I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
